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Encountering refusal, notably when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. A publisher is turning you down, delivering a definite “Nope.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I began pitching story ideas 50 years back, upon finishing university. From that point, I have had multiple books declined, along with book ideas and many pieces. In the last 20 years, specializing in commentary, the refusals have multiplied. Regularly, I get a setback every few days—totaling more than 100 annually. Overall, rejections throughout my life exceed a thousand. At this point, I might as well have a master’s in handling no’s.

But, is this a self-pitying outburst? Not at all. As, now, at seven decades plus three, I have embraced rejection.

How Have I Accomplished This?

A bit of background: At this point, almost everyone and others has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t kept score my success rate—doing so would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: not long ago, an editor turned down 20 pieces one after another before saying yes to one. In 2016, no fewer than 50 book publishers declined my book idea before one accepted it. A few years later, 25 agents rejected a book pitch. An editor requested that I send articles only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Setback

In my 20s, all rejections stung. I took them personally. It seemed like my creation being rejected, but me as a person.

As soon as a submission was rejected, I would begin the phases of denial:

• Initially, shock. What went wrong? How could they be blind to my skill?
• Next, refusal to accept. Surely it’s the incorrect submission? This must be an administrative error.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do any of you know? Who made you to judge on my labours? They’re foolish and the magazine stinks. I deny your no.
• After that, anger at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why would I do this to myself? Could I be a martyr?
• Subsequently, negotiating (preferably seasoned with delusion). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, depression. I’m not talented. Worse, I can never become successful.

So it went for decades.

Notable Company

Certainly, I was in excellent fellowship. Tales of creators whose manuscripts was originally rejected are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each writer of repute was originally turned down. If they could succeed despite no’s, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his youth squad. Many US presidents over the recent history had been defeated in races. The filmmaker claims that his script for Rocky and attempt to appear were declined 1,500 times. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to wake me up and get going, not backing down,” he stated.

Acceptance

Later, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I entered the seventh stage of setback. Peace. Currently, I better understand the multiple factors why an editor says no. For starters, an reviewer may have already featured a like work, or have something in progress, or simply be thinking about something along the same lines for a different writer.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my pitch is uninteresting. Or the evaluator feels I don’t have the experience or stature to succeed. Perhaps is no longer in the business for the wares I am offering. Maybe didn’t focus and read my piece hastily to recognize its abundant merits.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Anything can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Some explanations for rejection are forever out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are your fault. Let’s face it, my proposals may sometimes be flawed. They may not resonate and appeal, or the idea I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe an aspect about my writing style, notably dashes, was unacceptable.

The point is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and rejection, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve authored several titles—the initial one when I was middle-aged, my second, a autobiography, at retirement age—and more than numerous essays. These works have been published in newspapers large and small, in regional, worldwide outlets. My first op-ed appeared when I was 26—and I have now submitted to many places for half a century.

However, no bestsellers, no signings in bookshops, no features on TV programs, no presentations, no book awards, no Pulitzers, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can better accept rejection at this stage, because my, humble accomplishments have softened the stings of my frequent denials. I can now be reflective about it all today.

Valuable Setbacks

Rejection can be helpful, but when you heed what it’s indicating. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep taking rejection the wrong way. What insights have I acquired?

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